One key turn-around point that I had in my self-development was to understand who I am. I was able to get a depiction of my own personality through the understandmyself.com website.
UnderstandMyself.com is based on the Big Five personality traits, consisting of extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and openness. Sometimes the acronym OCEAN (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism) is used.
Openness
People who are high in this trait tend to be more adventurous and creative, while those who are low in this trait tend to struggle with abstract thinking.
I find myself ranked higher than the average person in this trait. I believe that I am able to let my mind wander and try to formulate different ideas, seeing a new way to find solutions that others may have missed. This may lead me to be less well adapted to situations that are routinized and predictable.
Openness to experience is made up of the aspects from intellect and openness. I am ranked at the 78th percentile in Intellect, making me enjoy exploring novel ideas, working on issue-oriented discussions, enjoy reading and discuss idea-centered books. I like learning new things and finding new vocabulary to use to generate and explain novel, creative concepts and adapt to new experiences.
I am also typically open, I enjoy an outlet for my creativity, appreciate music and like to sing and make music for myself, but still can live without it.
Conscientiousness
I am moderately low in conscientiousness, which is a trait that I must admit is hard for me to work on. I am not particularly dutiful, although I am also not a sloth per se. I can work hard when pushed, but sometimes find myself distracted, indecisive, and do not mind procrastinating.
Although, this trait may be responded by other people negatively for my tendency to slack off, I do find myself not judgmental to myself or others. I find myself attributing my success to chance and luck factors instead of my hard work. I’m trying my best to overcome this disadvantages and work my way to be more conscientiousness, through harnessing my sense of purpose to allow me to get my act together while trying to improve myself.
Industriousness one of the aspect of conscientiousness, this trait is also one of my impeding factor, with low industriousness, I was always an underachiever. I put off a lot of responsibilities, that’s why I’m not judgmental of other people, including myself.
I am typical in orderliness, I do enjoy seeing everything in a good order, but I am not overtly oriented toward details, rigidly abiding rules and judgmental towards others. I am not the right person to manage complex, sensitive processes, but when supervised properly I can manage to maintain focus and proper attention.
Extraversion
I am low in Extraversion or high in Introversion, I am less enthusiastic, talkative, and assertive in social situations, socially awkward at times. I find constant social contact very draining and tiring and will always crave time alone to recharge. This trait make me more likely to be depressed and have lower level of self esteems.
I keep everything to myself and will always struggle to persuade, make the sale, or work in huge groups. I am low in enthusiasm, I do not really get excited about a lot of things and do not speak my mind, unless it is of interest to me. I am also very low in assertiveness, I never dominate and control social situations, I put my own opinion with reservation and do not speak my mind. This is a huge handicap for me, when I speak up about issues that I am knowledgeable, competent, and able.
Agreeableness
I am typical in agreeableness. I am somewhat cooperative, warm and considerate. I look for the best in others and reasonably interpersonally tolerant. With average level of agreeableness, I am somewhat forgiving, accepting, flexible, gentle, and patient. I sometimes feel pity for those who are excluded, punished, or defeated, but not enough to be easily taken advantage by disagreeable people or those with predatory intent. However, sometimes with high neuroticism, this may make me suffer from resentment or to harbor invisible anger.
Neuroticism
I am moderately high in neuroticism. This makes me more sensitive towards negative emotions, such as pain, sadness, irritable, or defensive anger, fear, and anxiety. With everything going wrong in the past, I feel that everything will go wrong now, and also in the future. I am anxious and irritable when thinking of a genuine problem I remember. I am risk-averse and with my very high withdrawal trait (91st percentile), I am more prone to feel sad, lonesome, disappointed, and grief-stricken. I have high levels of doubt, worry continuously, and become embarassed easily, and too self conscious and will be discouraged rapidly in the face of threat and punishment.
Knowing Myself, What Next?
I was discouraged when I first saw my result, I worry if I would ever find myself be in a position that can be useful to myself, my immediate family and society. I began to wonder if I am misusing the talents that I have received from the Almighty. Once I begin to accept myself as who I am, with the positive side and negative side, I was able to formulate a way forward. Self-help books did help in my self development, I think all of this is necessary to maintain a good mental health.
Josef Matondang 